what-ifs

A coffee, with a good friend.

Me : "Sometimes, I have this naughty fantasies where I am not a conservative Kelantan girl stuck in conservative Kelantan..."

Friend : "Don't. You're just fine the way you are. Seriously. Don't change."

The said friend is a very non-conservative, non-Malay guy, who completely understood what non-conservative girls in non-conservative places are free to do, what opportunities they would have, and with what consequences.

Friend : "Your smart, interesting, conservative-but-non-conservative guy will soon come, don't worry."

Thank you.

yun II

Colleague :  "I think he's good. He's going to be really good, just like you."

Staff Nurse : "He looks studious and capable, like he knows what he's doing, but very, very quiet. Not like you - you're quite aggressive."

All that I managed was a tinkering laugh and a smile - the kind of response to brush off any comments I do not feel that I can reply gracefully, or wittily, enough. I have no clear idea whence the comparisons began - sometimes women do get to places with their words without realizing how.

Aggressive - is that really the word to describe me?
Is that still the word most suitable to describe me?

I doubt, and I doubt that she meant it in the full implication of the word, and certainly not in the negative way, but I get the gist of my personality as she saw it.

World, this is me. I cannot change.

And I know, neither can you.

Despite that, still -